About Her

I’ve had my path chosen for me since I was a little girl

Get good grades, do all your activities, be a leader, get into a top college, graduate, become a lawyer, live successfully ever after.

And up until now, I was doing exactly what they wanted of me. I was accepted into an amazing college in Chicago where i excelled and began on the track to my career. I was unhappy, but that was okay because I convinced myself that that happiness would come when I found my success. I walked around bored, unfulfilled, and empty. Waiting for something to happen in my life that would make this initial time pass

The summer after my first year two weeks into being home, my father suddenly passed away from a “sudden cardiac event". He was in his early fifties, very healthy, a vegetarian, newly retired from his government career and happy as ever, and he just died. No warnings, no indications, nothing. He was here one moment, and gone the next. My mom had left to go grocery shopping, and I was the last person to see him alive. Last thing I saw of him was him turning around and grinning at me as he went upstairs, and I retired to my room to take a nap. When I woke up 2 or 3 hours later, I woke up to the sounds of sirens hearing my mom screaming running up the stairs to get me out of bed

It is still to this day the most devastating, and traumatic thing to ever happen to me. After everything happened I decided to transfer to a school in DC to be closer to my mom, help her out with whatever she needed. But I was, and have been a zombie. For long before my dad passed. I was just living for something outside of what I really needed. His death reminded me that nothing, absolutely no day in this life is promised. Everything you decide to put off until tomorrow can very well never happen. I know that first hand. I imagined him heckeling my  boyfriend, walking me down the asile, playing with his grandkids, the whole nine. And even though those plans were shot regardless, the time that I spent focused on waiting, on passing time, instead of appreciating the time I had and working towards things that would make me happy shows me that that waiting game I play could result in me leaving this earth with nothing I want accomplished.

I decided I wanted that to change.

There are so many things that make me happy

I love getting a good grade in a class

I love seeing my baby walk through the doors after not being home all day

I love the feeling of accomplishment after getting my house spic and span

I love cooking dinner, feeling him wrap his arms around me

then seeing him crush  that food in one sitting

I love hearing feeling the warmth of my moms hugs when I greet her

I love hearing my niece and nephews laugh, seeing them smile, and then steal my food

I love eating something amazing, then reveling in it 

I love so many things

I love being in love, I love being intelligent, I love my relationship with food and music, I love my family

and now I feel I have direction in what I want to do. This year I am going to completely remake my life, and find my happy place. It will be difficult, but I am going to do it. I am going to finish school, graduate with my bachelors in political science, get married to the love of my life, help him to achieve all of his goals, have beautiful babies and take care of them and him and and our home and fill my life with food, laughs, comfort, and love. I am going to support my momma more than I ever could. I want her to see her grandbabies, and feel as close to whole again as she possibly could. 

And even more importantly, I am going to live so I don’t turn around regretting the time I wasted, money I spent, or things I didn’t do.

That is my ultimate lifetime goal. How I achieve it, doesn’t matter to me. As long as I get there, and start on this road there this year I will be content with whatever life throws my way.